I am forced to raise my daughter alone for the next 8 years. her father was incarcerated in January of 2011 and i am doing his job and mine. I cant call child support because he is gone. the state wont help me with shit because i supposedly make too much. but they will give the hoodrat next door a life time supply of food stamps.
it breaks my heart when she wants to see him.she is in love with her daddy. i don't even wanna take her to the prison because she might take it hard once she finds out she is unable to take him with her. she did nothing to deserve her little heart to be broken. she did nothing to deserve any of this. but because of his bad decisions she has to suffer. I always thought children had it so good.... until my daughter asks today if she can see her daddy. I said not today and tears came to her eyes and she asked "BUT WHY?" ...... what the fuck am i supposed to say?
i wish i could buy her a new dad. i wish i could fill that emptiness that she is feeling in her little heart. Why are people so damn dumb??
10 comments:
Jaz,
I can really relate to this!! But I mean I guess I can say @ least my daughter never met her ol sorry daddy! It is so sad that you cant explain his bad choices to her. Hopefully we can find them some new daddies?? Love you hun!
I was in single parent mode... it wasnt until she started answering questions and i didnt know how to answer them. I was stuck and couldnt move. she talked to him on the phone so i think shes a little bit better now.
@ ashes... im searching for her a new dad now.
Real talk.
I often ask myself why children are forced to suffer due to bad decisions made on behalf of the ones who brought them into the world. My sister and I went thru it, my daughters currently do the same, and I realized it's just the way it is.
Cold world. And, in the world, we are all witnesses to the fact that no one can truly replace mom and/or dad, no matter how hard one tries.
Keep your head up. Keep your daughter's head up.
Thanks Don! I aint the first to do it alone and i wont be the last.
Sucks don't it?!?
I've been married for almost 23 years. I have two children, both that go to the University of South Carolina. I've worked hard to stay with my wife, even when I wanted to grab my shit and leave on a couple of occasions because I wanted to be there for my children. I hate that stereotype of the black man getting up and just leaving. Life is such that we end up doing many things that we don't want to do.
Take your daughter to see her father, maybe it'll do them both some good. She's the innocent one, he's the one that fucked up.
Thats so true Reggie.I never imagined my life like this. I never thought i would be the single mother but i am. I'm doing my best and i wont complain. however, it does make me mad when she is sad. I think i will take her to see him.
i love to see men doing what needs to be done! yall rock!
and u must be a proud dad.... 2 kids in college? you go boy!!! (in my Gina off Martin voice)
Hi, new comer here...
I feel for you, it must be hard. When I was 23, as you are, I was married and my son was two years old and my then husband was the provider in all areas. I worked but he allowed me to do whatever with my own income and bills were not on my "to do list" as they are now that I have three children. However, as a mother with three children and two nieces whom I care for, who's father's are not in their lives and neither is their mother (my sister) I can't say all the blame is on the father here. I recently had this same conversation with my sister who blames her situation on her kid’s fathers. When WE as women, lay down and decide to bare children, that is OUR choice. The law provides us that CHOICE. So with that being said, I personally think that before we decide that bringing a child into the world for whatever reason, we truly know the person who we are going half on a baby with. And know their capabilities. By that I mean, knowing if this "man" is going to be just that or if he is even capable of flaking out and making horrible choices in life that will ultimately affect our children's lives as your daughter’s father did. Reggie, I commend you for being a man. You seem to understand that your children are YOUR responsibility, not just your wives. And you realize that just picking up and leaving doesn't just affect you and your wife. I'm sure that your wife is thankful for that alone. Raising children is not easy, take if from one who is raising five and doing a hell of a job doing so. I ultimately know that every choice I make in life has the potential of either negatively affecting my children or positively affecting them. Before I decided to have more children, when I only had my son, I took an inventory of my life and made the required choices to better myself and prepare for my future and the future of my children. (My son and two nieces). The “system” was never an option, for I am just against it being a crutch and feels that it is already badly abused and I’m tired of the government taking all my hard earned money and giving it to people who seemingly don’t deserve it. Almost two years ago I gave birth to my daughter and then very shortly after I gave birth to another baby girl. I am with their father, however, when we decided to bring children into the world; I walked around for weeks playing out the worse case. What if he leaves, what if he dies, what if….What I came to is, should this man drop off the face of the earth by some unforeseeable circumstance because just up and leaving me to parent his children is just not in his make at all, I have the means to do so. Without blaming him for whatever but standing on my own two feet and being the definition of a mother period. I wish you well baby girl. I wish your daughter better. Hang in there and don’t dwell on the negative aspect and show your daughter that there is life beyond her father and help her to find it in you. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for.
Thanks so much for coming by. (waves hands)
I adore your response... it sounded so much like what my mom would say. Thanks!! You have a good heart taking on the responsibility that was once your sisters. I sense that you have a beautiful heart and make the best out of struggling.
I already had my mind up when i was pregnant and abortion was not an opition. usually i dont complain. it wasnt until she asked "Why"?
i was always so blinded and always thought if i kept her busy in dance, gymnastics, and other things that she'd kinda keep the situation off of her little mind. who was i fooling? in that little time frame things are starting to get better. i let her draw him pictures and talk to him on the phone. ill see how long it lasts
Wow! I can't even begin to imagine how you or your daughter feel. It has to be a helpless feeling. Just know that God is with both of you. He will make a way out of no way. He will allow you to continue to provide and show your daughter the love she deserves. He will also bring her father back into her life, when the time is right.
Turn towards God and He will see you through. Believe that!
^thanks so much. God indeed is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless. Each day i tell myself "I CAN DO THIS". I do feel bad sometimes because this is something i thought i'd never have to go through. I hated having to watch my mother go through this. She did her best and i will do the same.
thanks for dropping by.
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